Surviving the Snow-in

Here in the South, we expect a little snow. It’s fun, it’s fluffy, it melts. This winter, however, has been a brute. As I emerge from a five-day forced respite from society, I have a few notes to myself for the next round of storms.

1. Buy emergency chocolate.

2. Make sure emergency chocolate (and anything else you may need) is not in the car when the freezing rain, ice and snow comes. Otherwise it’s like storing your treats in a snowglobe: you know they’re in there, but you’re not getting them anytime soon.

3. Whatever pre-storm shopping list you’re making, add liquor to it.

4. Cabin fever really isn’t a fever—it’s more of an all-over brain itch. And reality TV just makes it chafe.

5. No matter how small your living space, find a corner for a few minutes a day to spend some time alone. Maybe if you could get into the @!#$% frozen car.

6. Charge up all your devices so if the power goes out, you can tweet about how freakin’ cold you are.

7. Plan to buy secondary back-up emergency chocolate.

8. Learn that carrying wood, breaking through ice and making snow angels all count as workouts.

9. Take comfort that somewhere you will find a Buffy, Doctor Who or T.J. Hooker marathon. You did get liquor, right?

10. When you finally make it out into civilization, try not to attack the first person you see like a crazed weasel starved for conversation. It’s very difficult to buy chocolate when the grocery clerk has a restraining order against you.

So, what tips do you have for surviving this winter? Share!

First Friday AW Book Review: Touched By An Alien and Alien Tango by Gini Koch

What would it take to get you out of jury duty? For Katherine “Kitty” Katt, it takes aliens and lots of ‘em. By the time she sorts the good from the bad, she’s involved in a twisty love triangle with two hot Alpha-Centurions, and she’s the only human brave enough to save the world from evil, soul-sucking creatures with just hairspray and an attitude.

TOUCHED BY AN ALIEN is the first in the Katherine Katt series, and it is packed with action in every sense of the word. The story is told in first-person, and a lot of the plot falls into place through dialogue. This was difficult for me to wrap my head around at first, since there were several characters interacting with Kitty. Within the first few pages, however, I found the groove and fell for the Tracy-Hepburn patter between Kitty and Jeff Martini, an alien operative so gorgeous he makes SETI a worthwhile investment. In between dispatching bad guys with pens, cars and salt, Kitty finds time to enjoy some of the steamiest sex scenes in science fiction. There’s enough action in elevators to make Steven Tyler proud.

In ALIEN TANGO, Kitty and company once again set out to save the world, and face such scares as bigotry, jealousy and the dreaded school reunion. They learn along the way that the worst enemies aren’t from outer space, and that even alien-hating weirdos hope to get probed by a hot extraterrestrial.

Funny, fast-paced and sexy, the ALIEN series is a fantastic read and would make an incredible action/comedy/romance movie. I’ve read both books twice now, and I can’t wait for the next installment, ALIEN IN THE FAMILY, coming in April. If you want to get lucky with your geek girl this Valentine’s Day, forget flowers. Buy her these books, then go find an elevator. You're welcome.

TOUCHED BY AN ALIEN and ALIEN TANGO are published by DAW Books, and are available at Amazon and other bookstores worldwide.

Voices in the wind

I'm an avid television fan, and I've put in enough couch time to earn my stripes as a sofa spud. But lately I've noticed something wonderful when I turn off the TV: I hear voices. Not the strap-me-in-the-straitjacket kind, but the writerly kind. Voices from different characters I've created in NaNo novels and short stories and voices from stories yet to be written.

When the world is quiet, my imagination tentatively pokes its head out, sees the coast is clear, and says "All right, now that I have your attention here are some lovely plot lines and character dialogue I want you to use. Go ahead, get a pen. Let's begin."

I've even been thinking about unfinished stories from long ago, characters that stayed with me. Manuscripts that still have a chance. Entire worlds that I partially built from sand, but the sea never quite swept away.

These quiet days are a rare luxury, like finding chocolate wrapped around a gold bar. But when they do come around, I pick up the pen. I listen. And I begin.


Photo credit: nuttakit, courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

First Friday AW Book Review: A Reaper's Tale by Adam Slade

Today I’m introducing a new feature on my blog: on the first Friday of every month, I’ll review a book written by a fellow Absolute Write member. (Not familiar with Absolute Write? It’s an incredible writing forum for newbies and professionals of every imaginable genre. Check it out!)

And now, the First Friday AW Book Review.

When chatter about a book invokes the mantle of Pratchett I get all pointy, and not in the good way. In my eyes, writing humorous fantasy means you have a lot to live up to, so I was excited and a little worried when I purchased A REAPER’S TALE by Adam Slade. My concerns were unfounded, because Slade does an excellent job with the main character of Mal, a Grim Reaper with a rogue’s eye for bad girls and a wickedly British sense of humor. Mal’s task is to point souls along to their final reward, but when a reap goes awry and a soul becomes stuck inside him, the adventure begins.

The characters are vivid and well-developed. Mal’s circle of friends and colleagues, from his cat to a 1,000-year-old demon with a very dedicated boyfriend, are unusual and multi-faceted. I never wondered about a demon’s personal life before I read this, and I appreciated Slade’s deft touch with it. The settings and characters are reminiscent of Spider Robinson’s early work, including the secret bar filled with supernatural irregulars hiding behind the façade of a local pub. Mal’s humor and his views on death and humanity do remind me of Pratchett’s satire, but this isn’t the same Death you know from Discworld, not unless you caught him in his early, awkward years. Even though influences from the great fantasy humorists can be felt, this is a new world and the reader will have a blast racing through it with Mal and his unhappy cargo.

A REAPER’S TALE also spends some time in the Great Beyond, where we discover that angels and devils have a breakroom (sometimes the same one) and eternal love and regret can really be a pain in the ass. With soul-grabbing mercenaries, unexpected allies and a final judgment system only slightly better than the DMV, Slade takes the reader on a fast and funny ride. I was sad to let these characters go, and I hope the author returns to Mal’s world again and again. If you’re looking for a great read to slap onto that nice, shiny e-book reader, pick this one.

A REAPER’S TALE by Adam Slade is available through Lyrical Press and on Amazon.

Looking back, stepping forward

As the hours of 2010 wind down, I think of the old saying, “Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.”

Although this wasn’t a particularly prosperous year for me, it was an amazing education. I’ve learned more about the art and business of writing in the last twelve months than I have in the previous five years. I’ve tried new things that scared the crap out of me, kept going when things felt rough and discovered a sense of accomplishment I never thought possible. The world of queries, proposals, partials, short stories, anthologies, beta reading, critiquing, marketing, branding and yes, rejection, has opened new possibilities for me. Thanks to all my friends for the sharing, caring, advising, poking, sympathizing, urging and laughing on Facebook, Twitter, Absolute Write and real life.

2010 may not have given me what I wanted, but it gave me something better than I could imagine in the first place. I became an Erma, a zombie poet and a braver person. To those who saw their dreams come true this year, congratulations! To the rest of us, 2011 has left the door open wide. All we have to do is charge in, jump on the couch and order room service. Happy New Year!

Three (Free!) Gifts for Writers

There are so many wonderful gift lists to help you surprise your favorite writer this year (Stacey Graham and Cindy Myers wrote two of my favorites) but what if you’re short on cash and have extra time on your hands? If you can’t swing the latest must-have gadget or even a B&N gift card, don’t sweat it; there are three things you can do for a writer that will mean more to them than anything you can buy. Try one or all three this year; I guarantee you’ll make it a holiday to remember.

Make a space. If your writer has been balancing the laptop on unstable knees while perched on the couch or waiting until dinner is done to steal a little tabletop real estate, make some room for a desk. Rearrange the furniture and create an area just for your wordsmith. You don’t have to buy a desk, but you do need some ingenuity. Erma Bombeck wrote her columns on a door balanced on cinder blocks. Make it yourself if you have some spare lumber and know your way around a hammer. If you don’t have anything suitable, check Freecycle.org. Who cares if it’s particleboard? It will be a little slice of Heaven for someone with a vivid imagination. Like a writer. Extra points if you can round up a few office supplies too, like a mug from the kitchen to hold a few pens or a couple of file folders from the dollar store.

Help with research. You can do this a couple of ways: go the traditional handmade coupon route with redeemable certificates for an hour’s worth of web engine searches, or, if you know what kind of material your writer needs, clip or print articles and interesting tidbits year-round and give them occasionally in a brightly decorated folder. Extra points for rounding out a coupon book with an afternoon of child care when deadlines threaten, a few mandatory days off, a walk in the park when the plot is stuck or (if said writer is your sweetie) a sexy coupon good for a little afternoon delight. After all, everyone needs a good Googling now and again (bow-chicka-wow-wow!)

Ask to read some work. Then read it. Take your time. If he or she wants a critique, fine. Find one good thing for every bit that needs attention. Writers work in solitude, and they always end up asking people to read their stories, articles, poems and posts. Sometimes they feel awkward about it. If you volunteer to read for them, it’s like showering them with sunshine. Your attention and interest in a writer’s scribblings will make his or her day complete. Extra points for family members: collect your writer’s clips after they are published. A scrapbook made up of articles or stories not only show how far a writer has progressed, it demonstrates that you care. What better gift is there, really?

Photo credit: Idea go and FreeDigitalPhotos.net

ThankScreaming Day: Book Reviews for Apexology Horror and The Undead That Saved Christmas

Thanksgiving afternoon and you’re already wishing the relatives would go home? Instead of listening to Uncle Fred’s proctologist stories, sneak away with something even scarier than your family. Both of these books are available in e-book form, so you can hide in the bathroom with your smartphone or e-reader until the last dishes are done.

I read horror much like someone who is discovered with ill-advised substances: “I’m holding it for a friend. Really.”

That said, I do like the non-gory stuff, especially if it’s funny. When I saw the phrase “Cthulhu comedy of manners” on Twitter one day, I had to know more. Apex Book Company was kind enough to share Apexology: Horror, a huge horror anthology which I quickly realized could only be read during full daylight with all the lights on. These are old-school scares done right; no sparkly undead here, just enough creepy terrors to make you crave a Snoopy night light. I did find that Cthulhu story, “To Every Thing There Is A Season” by Dru Pagliassotti, and loved it! If she turned it into a full book, I would snap it up. Her writing is funny, freaky and a better read than “Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters.” I also enjoyed “The Spider In The Hairdo” by Michael A. Burstein, which gave an old urban legend new, frightening life, and “Transylvania Mission” by Lavie Tidhar, a satisfying twist on Dracula. Some stories weren’t my taste, but there is something in this collection for everyone, so it is a great bargain for any scare-seeker.

For the second book, this is part review, part plug. The Undead That Saved Christmas is a zombie holiday anthology featuring stories, art and poems by Stacey Graham, Jason Tudor, Angie Mansfield, and oh yeah, me! Need more awesomeness? It also has an introduction by S. G. Browne, author of zombie hits Breathers and Fated. Proceeds from the anthology go to the Hugs Foster Family Agency and editor Lyle Perez-Tinics has selected a diverse undead lineup to keep readers entertained.

In addition to great folks and a great cause, the book has some stellar zombie action, from mad scientists and killer elves to zombie Santas and AK-47s painted like candy canes. “The Legend of Zombie Claus” by Joe Fillippone has some of the best dialogue I’ve ever read in a horror story, and several stories have a delightfully twisted sense of humor; Graham’s “To All A Good Fright” made me laugh out loud from the first line. The Undead That Saved Christmas is also available as an old-fashioned print book, just in case you want to share the drippy, gooey, brain-eating fun with someone special.