The Practical Kitchen

Recently the "Real Simple" website offered up a slideshow about new uses for things in your kitchen. Most were very clever, but still required a certain competency level of the cook. I’ve created my own list to help the culinary-challenged, and mine is more practical because it includes zombie defense.

1. Use a wok as a chest protector when you’re naked and frying bacon. If you’re particularly busty, use two and a bungee cord.

2. Have a crème brulee torch? I don’t know what you’re doing here, but hey, I don’t judge. Torches are great in up-close zombie combat. Attach a couple of those long grill forks to the front for extra poking power.

3. Cookie cutters can be flattened and sharpened into shuriken. You never know when ninjas will attack.

4. When you’ve overfilled the cake pan and a monstrous devil’s food demon is about to explode into the kitchen, wedge a few wooden spoons under between the handle and the side of the oven. This gives you a few seconds to escape Death by Chocolate.

5. Use a pastry brush and some food coloring to gently paint away any evidence that you’ve burned dinner. Hey, who wants more purple pot roast?

6. Take aluminum foil and make it into a hat. This will keep the aliens from stealing your prize pineapple-pepperoni soup recipe. It also distracts anyone coming into the kitchen looking for snacks. Oooh, shiny.

7. A spatula and strips of dish towel make an excellent bow. Fray the ends of string cheese sticks for arrows. Use the bread you baked but no one was brave enough to eat as foundation for a fort. Order in some Chinese food and defend your dumplings against greedy family members.

What are your completely practical uses for kitchen stuff? Share in the comments!